Mom speaks out: "A Betrayal worse than DEATH!"

CATCH 22!! Mom is damned if she does and damned if she don't ! I have devoted my life to my daughter's healing and recovery. Counselor's told me when she was age 6 that they have done all that they could but watch out when she hits puberty! "How will I know I asked?" They said" You'll KNOW!!!!"

And here we are today! Mental illness erupting like clockwork and a story of setting BOUNDARIES gone AWRY!

Back in the early ninety's when I conceived this daughter I was caring for my other dying daughter of cancer. She was diagnosed at age three. My dear girl was 2 when her sister died. This experience caused me to be in the hospital with the sick one for 3 weeks at a time several times per year when my little doll was born. We were so excited that maybe God allowed us to conceive to perhaps be a lifesaver for the dying sister as a possible bone marrow transplant! My oldest daughter was a teen when all this sadness and sorrow erupted with death and dying and she was severly traumatized as well. She ran away too at age 14 and got pregnant at 16 to escape the doom and gloom at our house. The Dad, a TV evangelist, and I led a very rigid lifestyle. He was constantly berating me about obedience to him as the head of the home though he was often in money troubles constantly with bill payers calling for $$$ he owed everyone. He often told me that if I didn't obey or agree with him on everything that I would kill our daughter from being in "strife!" I was too busy with this dying child to know the details of the finances or his craziness. He was a narcisstic one with denial of reality at the forefront. I never got to prepare my baby for heaven when she died or say "Good Bye" or tell her about God's angels taking her to Jesus house as that would have been a "bad confession!" When she passed, it sent many of us in a whirlwind of reality and questioning our current "TOXIC" faith. My baby's death actually set us free from a ridiculous faith unlike the simple belief that as we surrender our care and will over to HIM, He will make all things right no matter what or how it turns out..... and that I am grateful to be forgiven by a Savior that paid the price for me to see heaven someday!

After years of sobriety, the despair of her death led both her dad and I into a time of relapse and drinking alcohol for a time again. With myself it was just over a year I believe. We separated to divorce, after the tragedy, and then after visitations and hysterical outburst my dear daughter let me know that her "Daddy" had abused her sexually at age 3! This was during a time when he had lost his license a year from drinking with a DUI. Maybe he was drunk when he did it. I don't know, nevertheless it was done. Horrified and convinced and affirmed by witnesses, within 3 days of this realization I had packed up my stuff and fled the state to protect my child from further injury from her narcisstic, grandiose father. He was so controlling and powerful I feared that he would con his way to abuse her more if I didn't leave to protect her. There were clear actions and my gut feeling something evil was happening. ))))Not like today's story at age 14! Actions speak louder than words! A girl with accusations like now could not have acted so cutesy and adorable during the time this was to be happening under my roof when I was HOME!! A MOM KNOWS even if her intuition is confirmed after the fact! Rather it's the rat I smell of lying and craftiness, secrets and manipulation from the powers enabling the story. If it were true all "involved" would not have been "in hiding" all this time. It took me over a year to even know what she had said about us! Meanwhile she was having the time of her life in FOSTER care which was at her best friends house who lived in the house behind our home! Freedom to do all the naughty things I wouldn't permit at my house!(((( Herein lies the RUB!!!!!!

I arrived at another state and began the journey of restoration. My 3 year old had psychotic outbursts that were night terrors and fits that would last for 3-4 hours at a time. After many months of abuse I took from this hysterical child, (trying to stab me with a knife and putting the car into the river, screaming all night etc) I sought help from the "system". She was so out of control and traumatized at age 4 that I could not help her! I too was suffering considerably after losing a child at 7 years old to cancer and then a divorce and then realizing that her "preacher" daddy was molesting his own daughter..... eh.

The trauma was so signifigant that my girl had 3-4+ diagnosis' of personality disorders. CPS really 'helped me' then and they got a restraining order from her Dad ever coming close. Eventually I was able to get her back after my own journey of healing and restoration. Not until I was ready...maybe 15 months later she was in a wonderful foster care. From then on it was a journey protecting this girl from anything that would throw her into a traumatized fit from post traumatic stress disorder! She would act up at school and they would call me weekly to come get her as she was unconsoleable! She had multiple personalities. She was unable to concentrate or focus on passing grades but somehow they would pass her. I exhausted myself in protecting her from any outside or unhealthy influence that would set her off into a trance of hysteria. For her entire lifetime I never had TV cable in case she would see something that would upset her post traumatic stress disorder. We only had or rented vidoes. This also, made it almost impossible to date others or move on with MY life. I managed only to date a few different men but kept my daughter away from most of it all. A single parent, I worked at the local Health Food Store for 7 years to support ourselves part time during school hours. I could not afford much, except with 'no health benefits', to keep us healthy I used alternative health and vitamins. My child grew up in an alcohol and drug free home always! TRUE: I never had the money to come back home to press charges on the real abusing father either so he literally has lived free from contact from her or consequences.

Until I met my love of my lifetime..... I never thought I would have a man in my life til she was grown and gone because of the depth of her injury. She was 10 1/2 when we married.

She adored my husband and seemed happier than she ever was for years up til she left. She was thrilled for him to be a Dad to her since she hadn't had one til now and she called him "Dad" up til she ran away. She was so happy even through the usual disorders or outbursts when phone priviledges were enforced etc. Her rantings were farther and farther apart until she hit her teens. 6th grade...She was caught smoking and stealing with kids I didn't approve of who were also dabbling in witchcraft! She acted out more sexual behavior that caused us both discomfort. As if she was persuing her step dad to be a "boyfriend"...she was the one I had to watch her behaviors. ALL THE TIME! She didn't know where to draw the line. She acted unusually inappropriate to all adult men in her life before my husband came along! She was strange, seductive or flirtatious and couldn't be trusted to behave properly. I always had to keep an eye on her behavior and sensor things she was exposed to. We caught her in the middle of the night on the computer etc or standing over our bed. Sleep walking. Nights were her times to re-live her trauma in dreams and now confused fantasies. She took alot of energy to monitor. She was always pushing the envelope with us and teachers. The straw that broke the camels back was how my husband would email all the teachers at school catching her in the oddest lies etc. about homework and flunking. She in the end began to turn on him for helping me. She couldn't get away with as much. She was a boundary BUSTER since age 3! (Inner anger toward me for letting her go with her real dad back then.) She couldn't manipulate us or turn us against each other since we were a constant team monitoring her activiites. I rarely ever left them alone together in 4 years yet she comes up with the farce of a story that her accusations happened daily almost. This is literally impossible. She later had lied to every therapist , detective and case worker about her claims. All to provide an exit to our overly structured home. Kinda like at age 14, your home probably doesn't allow your child tatoos! Ours didn't either or piercings! But she managed to get those in her first few months in her new foster care!

My daughter has acted now, as if I'm just a BIO 'mother who gave birth' words suggestive of those in her all new circle of codependant, enablers who have placated a psychotic child's rantings. All have fallen into a facade of drama of a sociopathic child that has manipulated all those who barely know her including the entire state system. They have tried to make me look as if I'm a terrible mother not believing my child. If it was true...I would know it...I know my daughters! Believe me I know a real molested child when I see it! If I hadn't seen her interview recently she did for the police, taken only 2 weeks after running away from my home I wouldn't be so 100% positive she is lying about all of it. It was so stupid and they believed her! She to date, never once, told me once, of an abuse nor acted as though she had a new trauma(she was too happy and content...no trauma in her eyes or expressions) and believe me with an oppositional-defiant disorder she would NOT have tolerated anything!!!! ...Not 1 thing without blowing a fuse over it! She told them she told me everytime it happened! She has a pattern of defying authority! This abuse is just not true. She wouldn't have done a thing for this new man on the scene she had no allegience to. They were taking it easy getting to know each other. She was so excited about him and he was patient and good to her out of his devotion to me yet letting me do all discipline decisions. She is a liar and a lunatic and I will go to my grave insisting she is a liar on this accusation toward myself and my innocent husband who is a good man who would never do such a thing... Sentenced to life in prison???? We were framed by a prosecutor and system that can't afford to be wrong I suppose....they will give an account before God what they have all done in secret.

My psychotic child is enabled to harm again and again if she is not held accountable for this story she has told costing the state and our lives everything! It is merely a drama to her and her new friends. What kind of Mother would I be to relent when I know that I know what she has done?? I am not twisted or in denial...I know! God only knows how long a journey I have ahead until the real truth is revealed. The betrayal I feel from my child and her cohorts is worse than a death. There will be no closure until the truth becomes clear to all! I have worked too hard all these years for her healing to cave in now! God help! She never wanted to return back home. With or without my husband my home, it was too strict. This is only a manipulative game to her now....with those fanning her flame as if all her claims were true... What will she do now when there is only guilt and shame filling her soul for lying and destroying her devoted Mom and family? When the blush wears off the rose, what I ask will she and her accomplice's do with the pain that WILL surface? Do they win because I have no more MONEY to spend on this????

This site is an awareness for parents of children with:
Reactive Attachment Disorder!

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_disorder.htm

My daughter has about every symptom and every cause! Yet the CPS continue to enable, placate, misdiagnose and endorse the victim who is not a victim now! She is a skilled master at manipulating whoever is there at the moment. Bottom line:
She needs Jesus. That is a beginning I can only hope for.